ON DOING FETAL SURGERY OR NOT

After meeting with all the doctors, we were offered fetal surgery. They said we qualified due to her chiari malformation being "severe".

The neurosurgeon did not seem to be too keen on the decision when we met him. He said the decision to do it was ours and whichever we choose, this is the right one.

The MFM did not seem too keen on it either. They said we could meet the team in Houston, get evaluated and then see, but we were warned about the possibilities:

It is dangerous for baby
It is dangerous for mommy
It is not a cure
Recovery is tough
There is higher risk that baby will be born early and this can mean more issues, like breathing for instance.

It was such a hard decision. We see on the forums all those children who had fetal surgery and they are doing so well. Parents say their chiari reversed. Some kids are walking, even running. It is so tempting, but at the same time we are so scared to go through it.

It terrifies me. What if Melody dies? What if she is born too early and she develops other issues?
What if I die? How are we going to handle the recovery far from home? With a husband at school finishing his degree, doing an internship during the summer, and my job? And the animals?

I went home to France for 10 days, and I talked a lot to my mom about it. Explaining I was still unsure about our decision of not doing fetal surgery. I felt guilty somehow. What if because of me, my daughter is deprived of walking or she had issues with her chiari?

But when I read the chances of her being a preemie, it scared me even more. We did not want to add more issues to what she already has. And the kids who did not have fetal surgery are doing well also.

And then, while I was in France, someone posted about a couple who chose to do fetal surgery and the baby passed shortly after. And that was devastating. It could be us. And that is when I became at peace with our decision of not doing fetal surgery.

It can do wonders. And I am sometimes envious of all the families who had the strength to do it. But at the same time, it did not seem right for us.